If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
