I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
