i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
