i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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