You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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