That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just want nice things and good sex
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
