if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
