Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
