I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
