so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
