i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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