sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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