She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
