piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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