you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
