there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
