I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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