Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
