Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
