Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you didnt know i had herpes?
I love having hate sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
