I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
