The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
