so that wasnt chicken after all
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
