this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
