New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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