god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
