either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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