You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
