His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
