last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
