Tell her she can't have a vagina
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
