We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
