weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
