No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
