So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Randomize
