Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
