her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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