Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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