Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
