I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
