If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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