Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
