when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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