I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
