Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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