That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
