I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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