Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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