you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
