I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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